Bitter Understanding
by endlessdanceandmusic
Summary: Inspired by a prompt on Tumblr. Post 8X02. It's #nationalcoffeeday and Castle brings coffee despite what happened last night. One-Shot


_**Hey guys, it's been awhile since I've written a story:D Well, i wrote this today because I was inspired. Let's just hope that most of us are still alive after last night's episode so you can all read this and tell me what you think. Please?**_

Kate Beckett stepped off the elevator bright and early for her second first official day as the captain of the 12th precinct. She is not here so early because she was excited for work, not for one bit; she's here because she didn't sleep at all last night, and she needed to distract herself with paperwork and people.

While Kate sat on her hotel bed last night, all she could think about were the hurt and betrayed looks in her husband's eyes when she told him that she would be leaving, and that she would be facing whomever this monster is that murdered her friends and co-workers on her own. She spent the whole night crying and feeling sorry for herself. So many times she had her finger on the cellphone screen tracing pattern on her husband's smiling face; so many times she almost pressed "call" but didn't. Kate imagined what Castle would be doing right now, and it would make her all the more depressed because she's not there with him.

Kate was brought out of her thoughts when she sees the boys stepping out of the elevator together. They are whispering about something and nudging one another towards her office.

'They know what happened last night,' She thought.

Kate looked up at detective Esposito as he knocked on her door, and she gave him a weak smile.

"Yo, boss! I heard about what happened with you and Castle, you ok?" Espo asked.

Kate nods, and smiled tightly, "you don't have to worry, Javi."

"Listen, whatever you are going through, whatever reason you have that you need to shut Cas…"

The captain tensed up "Detective Esposito, please get back to work before I make you."

Espo doesn't make a move out of the captain's door, he sighed and took a step forward. "Kate, tell us what's going on, Castle must be worried. Don't go down the rabbit hole again."

"Javi, you know I love Castle, but I can't go back, not now. I'm not doing this to hurt him, I never would. I'm doing this because I love him." Kate pleaded with her eyes. She had to look down so the tears that are threatening to come out won't be seem by the detective standing in the front.

She didn't look up when there was a knock on the door again.

"Kevin, not you too…"

"It's me."Castle said.

Kate looked up and saw her beautiful, beautiful husband standing in front of her. She noticed that Castle looks tired; he looks like he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, yet at the same time also looks like a lost little boy. He is careful not to show too much emotion, he refuses to let her wife sees how much it hurt him when she walked out on him the previous night. Castle seems to have put up an invisible wall between them, and Kate doesn't blame him. She almost want to run up and kiss him with everything ounce of her being, almost. He almost wants to reach a hand out to cup her cheek and beg her to come home with him, almost. When none of them moved for what seemed like an eternity, Kate was the one that broke the silence.

"What are you doing here?" she tried to keep her tone as even as possible.

That's when she notices Castle carrying a coffee in his hand and a pastry bag in the other.

"You didn't have to bring me coffee, bab…Castle," she catches herself, "there is a perfectly good coffee machine in the break room."

"uhm … it's national drink coffee day" Castle shifts his body from left to right, looking uncomfortably, "you shouldn't be without your favorite coffee today out of all the days in the year."

Kate sensed Castle awkwardness and his avoiding eyes that doesn't look her straight in the eyes, she rose to her feet so that he's on her eye level.

"Rick, I know that you don't understand and I know that you are confused, but I'm not doing this to hurt you, it's actually the complete opposite; I'm doing this because I love you, Castle. I love you more than anything. So you have to let me do this, I HAVE to do this on my own. I owe it to McCord and the others."

Castle sighed after a moment, he said, "look, Kate, I know you, you have to find who's behind this and you don't rest until you do. Whenever there is a victim, you dive head-in into bring them justices, and I love that about you. I just wish that you would let the people around you help you, let me help you. What if you were dead, lying on a cold, abandoned floor one day and none of us knew?" Castle was frustrated, but he knows his wife isn't going to budge on her decision. Castle leaned closer to her desk to put down the coffee and her bear claw.

"Just promise me you will be careful, and Kate…?" he paused "could you maybe just try to keep me close? Even if it's not physically?"

he looks just like an abandoned child who's scared to ask for his favorite candy, and it breaks Kate's heart into a million pieces. They are both fighting so hard to prevent their tear from coming out. Kate is surprised and stunned when Castle leaned in and kissed her right cheek, he didn't pull away after, but stayed with their cheeks presses together.

Castle whispers by her ear, "Please come back to me soon, I love you." Kate knows that the crack in his voice means that he is so close to crying too.

With one last kiss on the corner of her mouth he turned and walked out of the precinct without looking back at her.

Kate sinks down onto her seat, and the tear finally broke free when she sees "always" written on the coffee cup.

 ** _That's it! I really do believe this storyline could go to amazing places & I hope they get back together very soon because my shipper heart can not stand angst for too long.:D_**


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